Sweat, Meds and Therapy.

On Saturday I had my first personal training session with my trainer here in Winnipeg.

As a result, I am sore, covered in a "sore muscle rub", and will be soaking in my second bath of the day before bed.

But you know what? I feel amazing:)

The sore muscles are worth it. The pain, creaky joints, and raw muscles are a physical reminder that I got off of my ass, got out of bed, and started to fight back against my constant companion, my very own "black dog". Yesterday's training and this morning's sweat session on the treadmill are an outlet for my anger and a reminder of what I am capable of; physically and mentally. I am not my depression, it does not define me. However, we do exist together as of now, and in an effort to manage this illness, I need to take my daily dose of exercise. It's as important as the anti-depressant, as eating healthy and of seeing a therapist. I only wish I had learned this earlier.

During my late 20's, I realized that I had a problem. I was depressed, couldn't control it, and it was becoming progressively worse. The anxiety was out of control, and I wasn't sleeping. Work, social events and sometimes just leaving the house, became major hurdles. Lunch times were spent crying uncontrollably. I needed help.

In an effort to find a solution, I read blogs and websites about how to manage and alleviate depression and anxiety. Exercise and therapy were the two biggies, anti-depressants were advised if the depression had reached a point where a doctor or therapist thought that it was necessary. I tried therapy, but felt that the therapist didn't understand. I pushed myself at the gym, but inevitably the "high" would wear off. I refused to try medication. In lieu of listening to experts or to friends and family, I was treating myself. My mistake was to fail to realize that I needed multiple forms of treatment. Therapy, exercise, and anti-depressants on their own are no match for this illness. Together, they are an incredible tool to combat (or help cope with) depression.

For the first time in my life I am seeing a therapist, exercising and on anti-depressants. I have signed up for a yoga class, and am searching for a more regular and social volunteer opportunity. A year and a half ago, I would have been unable, or opposed to, all of these. By learning to rely on many different forms of treatment, I am doing better than I have in 30 years.

Please keep moving, stay open, and keep talking.
As difficult as it is to make a change or try a new tactic, it's worth it to feel amazing once in a while :)