Exercise and Depression ...

I ran for years.

I loved it, and at times, I hated it.

Running was an automatic reaction for me ... and a wonderful stress reliever. Looking back, I see that it was a form of therapy at a time when I couldn't identify that I was suffering from depression and anxiety.When I couldn't run anymore due to several stress fractures, it felt devastating. Running was more than just exercise, it had become a part of my identity - that was me, that was what I do ... and suddenly I couldn't run anymore. My primary source of exercise stopped and I tried other forms of exercise to try to replace it.

For The Walk for Depression, I've committed to walk/bike/hike 835 miles. For the past month I've been biking these miles through Wentworth and Westchester, Nova Scotia. Every morning I fall a little more in love with my bike and the journey's that we're taking. I have the same sensation on my bike that I had while running - a sense of freedom. Not just from the day to day stresses and problems, but from the depression and anxiety. It's an amazing feeling.

During my ride I feel powerful and when I return I feel proud.

Proud that I got out of bed.

Proud that I made it up the mountain.

Proud that I've come this far.

If you're having a tough one ... get out and go for a walk. It may take everything that you have ... but it's worth it. Exercise doesn't take away the pain, but it helps to ease it.

What am I doing?

I began to write a blog regarding my experiences with depression because I was asked to do so. I don’t normally read blogs and I have never written one, however I thought that this process might be therapeutic and hopefully helpful to someone else out there. However, soon after I wrote my first few entries I began to suffer again from depression. I don’t believe that the two were connected – a lot has been happening during the past several months – but the worse that the depression became, the less I wanted to blog.

When I began to blog it was a big step for me. I am trying to learn to deal with the depression. I am trying to stop hiding it, to stop feeling so ashamed. I posted my blogs on my Facebook account and I told my friends and family about it. The ironic thing is that while writing a blog about my experience with depression, I began to feel ashamed to have lapsed again into a depressive state. It was as if it was okay for me to write about it, but only when I’m doing well or “recovering”. I felt so ashamed of myself that I quit the blog, and removed all posts from my Facebook site.

I have decided to continue to blog at least until the end of my 835 miles. This has been a very important journey for me and I am beyond grateful to the creators of this walk. Also, as difficult as it may feel sometimes … I still believe that we need to discuss depression and anxiety. Keeping it hidden helps no one, least of all ourselves.

So if anyone out there also suffers from depression and anxiety –

You’re not alone.

We’re not crazy.

It’s possible to get through this.

And please keep trying.